Birth Story

Violet - A Positive Birth Story

Trigger warnings: Mental health. Graphic mentions of labour and birth.

I wanted to get the story of how Violet Nymphadora came to arrive on this planet written down while it is still super fresh in my brain.

This is going to be long and in detail, so here we go!

Waiting/Slow Labour

Giving birth was the most challenging thing I have ever done but I would also say it was the most empowering. My husband Jeff and I studied Hypnobirthing throughout the pregnancy and this helped us to feel so prepared for every eventuality. Hypnobirthing sounds really 'hippy dippy' but it is quite heavily science based. You learn about what your body is actually doing during contractions and that oxytocin is your friend and that breathing helps oxygen get to the uterus. You also learn a lot about different types of birth and choices that you may come to face so you really do feel ready for anything labour and birth throws at you!

Part of me was convinced that Nugget (as she was called when in foetus form) was going to arrive at around week 39. So I was so, so ready for her to be born from around that time. I felt really heavy and was starting to get uncomfortable and didn’t want to venture too far from home ‘just in case’.

Well we got to 40 weeks and our ‘due date’ on the 27th of June and it was around then I started getting slow labour. I would get cramps similar to period pains pretty much every single evening while in the bath and go to sleep thinking ‘I think I’m going to wake up in full blown labour tonight’ and then by the morning the cramps would be gone.

I really struggled with my mental health from around this time as I found the waiting time so emotionally draining. It felt like I was gearing myself up and then letting all that energy crash around me day after day. I will do another blog post on the pregnancy in a bit more detail and go in to this more then, but I felt under so much pressure and just wanted her to be here so badly. I ended up going ‘off grid’ and turning my phone off for big chunks of time to avoid all of the well meaning excited messages asking whether she was here yet.

Just imagining what she would look like and imagining the first time I would kiss her. I found it really beneficial to channel all my energy in to spending time with my husband Jeff and just enjoying the time.

Postponing induction

We tried all of the ‘old wives tales’. Spicy curry. Pineapple. Sex. Plenty of bouncing on the birthing ball while binging Brooklyn 99. Long walks - we would walk round some ponds near to us every day! She was just really cosy and hanging on in there bless her!

I decided to opt for a membrane sweep at 40 weeks + 6. This is where the midwife finds your cervix and sweeps around the membranes which is meant to help release the hormone that starts labour. At the sweep I was told I was around 1cm dilated, so things were starting as I had thought they were!

I had a second membrane sweep at 40 weeks + 9 where I was told I was 2cm dilated. I lost my mucus plug that evening, which is a sign that active labour will start sometime in the next few days.

In the UK most hospitals will book you to be induced 10 days after your 'due date'.

From 40+14 certain things become a bit more high risk for baby and the placenta can start to not work quite as effectively. We had the standard induction booked for 40+10 and we went along to the appointment and I made the decision that we should postpone it. As I had been having so many signs of labour I just knew that I needed to give my body and Nugget a bit longer to do their thing. The midwife we spoke to in the hospital was supportive of our decision and we delayed the induction for 4 days later, which would be 42 weeks. We did face some other medical professionals who weren't quite as supportive of our decision. Without getting too negative some of the language used to try and get us to have the induction at 40+10 was not very tactful for someone waiting for a baby to arrive. To put it plainly, if there had been any risks or worries regarding Nugget's health I would have had the induction as suggested in a heartbeat. But as the only reason for inducing was the date I wanted to wait a few more days to see if things would happen as I thought they would. And in the meantime we agreed to have monitoring and a scan to make sure that the placenta was still all good and there was still plenty of amniotic fluid etc.

This was so difficult but I am so proud I made this decision.

We had the scan on 40 +12 and everything was just fine, she gave us a little wave and we saw her have a little drink of fluid on during the scan. It was really emotional.

But at this point I started searching for positive induction stories to gear up my positive mindset for the induction on the Thursday.

Labour begins

The next day was a Tuesday (9th July) and we headed back to our friends Katt and Mike's house that evening to just chill out. I fully relaxed and we just watched random rubbish on youtube and somehow everyone ended up singing the Never Ending Story theme tune at me. Here is a photo we created since as a homage to what ended up starting my labour.

I started to get really hot, even though everyone else said it literally wasn't warm in the slightest.

Katt got me a massive cold bottle of water out the fridge and I lay on their sofa cuddling it to keep cool. It was then that my contractions started. When I had fully relaxed and surrendered control and stopped trying to make it happen.

Part of me wouldn't dare believe that they were real contractions as I had been having the slow labour for so long, but Jeff and I ventured home anyway. By the time we were home there was a definite pattern and they were every 10 minutes, so I excitedly rang the birth centre at 1.30am on 10th July. They said to labour at home for a while and to ring back when they were closer together. I told Jeff to get some sleep to get some energy and I had a bath, within half an hour the contractions were 5 minutes apart. So we grabbed our bags and drove to the birth centre where we arrived at 3am.

I had mentioned on the phone that I had hoped for a birth pool and when we arrived they said it was perfectly timed as their one birth pool room had just become free again.

I felt like crying with happiness. Everything was going how I had hoped it would.

Labour

The midwife looking after us was lovely and offered me an examination to see how far along I was. I was 3cm dilated but the contractions seemed to be ramping up and becoming more and more intense. At this point I felt it really helped to rock my hips every time I had them but could still talk through them. I stayed on the birth ball and leaned over the bed for a bit and then as they ramped up a bit more I got in to the pool. The water helped the intensity so much and it felt amazing. The contractions got more intense but I used my hypnobirthing breathing techniques and got through each one as it came. They seemed to be getting about 2 minutes a part now, Jeff got in the pool (in his underpants!) with me at about 4am and literally cuddled me through each one as it came, he was amazing.

This continued for the coming hours while my favourite songs played away in the background and I kept drinking water. I must have drank SO much water!

I asked for gas and air at around 5am when the contractions got stronger and that stuff was amazing!

At 7am the midwife ended her shift and we got someone new. It was not long after this, probably around 9am that I started getting the urge to push. From all of our hypnobirthing research I thought I must be 10cm and went with my body trying to breathe down with the pushing my body was doing. Some blood started to appear in the pool which worried the midwives and after examining me it turned out I was only 8cm dilated and it was Nuggets head being so low resting against nerve endings that was making me want to push. They advised that I try and work against the urges to push. And I ended up doing this for two hours. I had no idea it was that long at the time, but that was the most difficult thing ever - my body and mind fighting against each other. I found a quote somewhere that said 'Birth stories often share the same words "I cannot do this anymore" before she does.' This was the point where I felt like I couldn't do it. But I went ahead and did it.

Birth

I finally got to start pushing at around 11am ish. 'Powerful' and 'intense' aren't accurate enough words here, this bit was painful and there was no other word for it. But I was so happy to finally be at this stage after having to fight against it for so long that I didn't care.

Nugget opted for a dramatic entrance. One contraction birthed her head and the second contraction only birthed part of her body so lots of midwives rushed in, but as I stood up she fully came out and was caught by our midwife. I sat back in the water and she was passed to me and I held her to my chest and was shaking. I couldn't believe she was here and I had done it. She was all healthy but she didn't cry, she was just so calm from being in the water.

Violet Nymphadora was born at 12.04pm on Wednesday 10th July.

She weighed 8 pounds 14. Jeff cut the umbilical cord after all of the final goodness had made its way to her. I got to sit and hold her for I don't even know how long and then I decided to try and go for a wee and ended up birthing the placenta in to a pot in the loo!

I knew I wanted to formula feed Violet from the start but always said I would want to try and give her the first breastfeed as I know that has so much goodness in it and is great for her immune system. She latched on and fed beautifully.

While I got the stitches I needed Violet had her first nap and after that Jeff helped me to shower to clean myself up.

We then got tea and toast! Which was heavenly. And we got some time by ourselves in the room. Violet was all fine but I needed some more recovery time so we were asked to stay in the hospital over night. We had our first visitors of Violet's Grandparents and her Aunty and Uncle. And then, after being awake for 36 hours, we managed to grab (bit of) sleep.

My overwhelming emotion during labour was relief. I had imagined getting to meet her for so long. I felt so empowered for tuning in to my body and knowing that it was working its way up to natural labour and not just blindly saying yes to an induction without doing my research. Birth was hard work but Violet was worth every second of it and I have never felt so proud of myself. And so proud of all women who have done this. Birth. In any sense or any way. Bringing a life in to this word is magical. How powerful and badass women are!